HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was just thinking over the last few days that this blog is boring me, I have totally lost interest, it is not motivating me in the slightest!! I have even stopped checking to see how everyone else is doing. Who cares?

Then a shocking thing happened..............

My friend from school days who I haven't seen in 20 years emailed me to say the old gang Shirley, Catherine, Dottie, Carol, Denise and moi would be going on girls weekend away on 7th of June. Now there is no way I can attend this get together a stone overweight.

 Why oh why did I not start earlier? I would be at least half way to my goal now if I had. How in Gods name am I going to do this in 49 days? F**K.......I now need a quick fix, a very quick fix!!! Please help!...... never mind healthy eating and  exercising I am now reading the anorexic web sites to see what tips I can pick up. Here is what they advise.....

• Start by associating food with disgusting things. For your first ever fast, it may be helpful to draw pictures of juicy red apples, somehow morphing into giant dead rotting pigs. Plasterthese all around your house, preferably on the food itself. Never underestimate the power of images. Put pictures of fat girls on your fridge, or better yet, pictures of yourself; you're pretty fat. Conversely, stick pictures ofrakish models everywhere you can see them, for inspiration, and a bit of productive self-loathing. Also, practise writing things like "I'm fat" over and over. You want to drill this into your brain. "I will be thin" is a good one, as well as other "I will" affirmations. These are positive statements and very conducive to big time weight loss.

• Now create a list of suitable punishments either for thinking of food, or for caving in and eating food itself. A good one to try is to keep a rubber band on your hand and flick your skin whenever you think of eating. Eventually you will have a swollen hand, and a shrunken body; you will have ceased thinking of food so much. Other punishments include ridiculous amounts of exercise, purging, self-mutilation, isolation, basic denial of necessary comforts such as blankets on a cold night, or shelter when it is raining.. or simply menial, disgusting tasks such as cleaning the bathroom. Remember, you need discipline.

• Invent pain and hassles for yourself. Trick yourself into believing your life sucks. Be mean to people so that they instigate fights, just to make you constantly on edge, or nervous, so you cant eat. After all, you'll be light-headed and dizzy, and irritable from not eating, so you have an excuse. I used to love when dad got mad at me because it meant I was so upset I could not eat. Become an angst ridden teenager. You'll be making yourself nauseous from worry and self hatred in no time.

  
  

  This is not a joke, this is a real website for proAna people. However, the problem here is that I am not a teenager. Menial and disgusting tasks like cleaning bathrooms are part of my everyday duties. Even though I am often mean to people ("no you cannot stay out rollerblading in the dark...GO TO BED!") and instigate fights (Kids...."one bike is punctured the other two are ok fight it out among the three of you") this does not make me nervous,  in fact it makes  me quietly smug and quite powerful which makes me feels I deserve something nice as a reward. And I can honestly say that Dad being mad with me has never made me lose my appetite (if it did I'd be a right skinny bitch!! ;)
  

  So please help, are there any new drugs out there? How much does liposuction cost and can I afford it in a recession? Answers greatly appreciated....(no long term lifestyle changes ideas please I am talking quick fix!!)