HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was just thinking over the last few days that this blog is boring me, I have totally lost interest, it is not motivating me in the slightest!! I have even stopped checking to see how everyone else is doing. Who cares?

Then a shocking thing happened..............

My friend from school days who I haven't seen in 20 years emailed me to say the old gang Shirley, Catherine, Dottie, Carol, Denise and moi would be going on girls weekend away on 7th of June. Now there is no way I can attend this get together a stone overweight.

 Why oh why did I not start earlier? I would be at least half way to my goal now if I had. How in Gods name am I going to do this in 49 days? F**K.......I now need a quick fix, a very quick fix!!! Please help!...... never mind healthy eating and  exercising I am now reading the anorexic web sites to see what tips I can pick up. Here is what they advise.....

• Start by associating food with disgusting things. For your first ever fast, it may be helpful to draw pictures of juicy red apples, somehow morphing into giant dead rotting pigs. Plasterthese all around your house, preferably on the food itself. Never underestimate the power of images. Put pictures of fat girls on your fridge, or better yet, pictures of yourself; you're pretty fat. Conversely, stick pictures ofrakish models everywhere you can see them, for inspiration, and a bit of productive self-loathing. Also, practise writing things like "I'm fat" over and over. You want to drill this into your brain. "I will be thin" is a good one, as well as other "I will" affirmations. These are positive statements and very conducive to big time weight loss.

• Now create a list of suitable punishments either for thinking of food, or for caving in and eating food itself. A good one to try is to keep a rubber band on your hand and flick your skin whenever you think of eating. Eventually you will have a swollen hand, and a shrunken body; you will have ceased thinking of food so much. Other punishments include ridiculous amounts of exercise, purging, self-mutilation, isolation, basic denial of necessary comforts such as blankets on a cold night, or shelter when it is raining.. or simply menial, disgusting tasks such as cleaning the bathroom. Remember, you need discipline.

• Invent pain and hassles for yourself. Trick yourself into believing your life sucks. Be mean to people so that they instigate fights, just to make you constantly on edge, or nervous, so you cant eat. After all, you'll be light-headed and dizzy, and irritable from not eating, so you have an excuse. I used to love when dad got mad at me because it meant I was so upset I could not eat. Become an angst ridden teenager. You'll be making yourself nauseous from worry and self hatred in no time.

  
  

  This is not a joke, this is a real website for proAna people. However, the problem here is that I am not a teenager. Menial and disgusting tasks like cleaning bathrooms are part of my everyday duties. Even though I am often mean to people ("no you cannot stay out rollerblading in the dark...GO TO BED!") and instigate fights (Kids...."one bike is punctured the other two are ok fight it out among the three of you") this does not make me nervous,  in fact it makes  me quietly smug and quite powerful which makes me feels I deserve something nice as a reward. And I can honestly say that Dad being mad with me has never made me lose my appetite (if it did I'd be a right skinny bitch!! ;)
  

  So please help, are there any new drugs out there? How much does liposuction cost and can I afford it in a recession? Answers greatly appreciated....(no long term lifestyle changes ideas please I am talking quick fix!!) 

MR CAPTAIN BACK AFTER A GAP

Keen observers will have noticed a gap since my last report. The reason is quite simple I have kicked my weighing scales to death because it refuses to register below 16 st. 6 lbs [230 lbs]
which is - 1lb in the past 3 weeks. I will send it in for a total servive because something is wrong.
I haven't broken my regime and on Easter Sunday I was really proud that I had completed the Lenten Period without eating any Bread , Sweets or any other Goodies over the requisite 40 days.
As soon as I get the Scales back from the service I'll have another weigh-in and report the result on this Blog.
At least I didn't ADD on any weight

Actions speak louder than words

A Long Slow Summer!!

I think this is going to be a long slow Summer for me. I love clothes so therefore I love shops and shopping unlike many of my friends and one of my daughters (I think she must take after her Father)!!!. I have been very good now for nearly two months but I am keeping away from town and the big shops . I still have a little peep into the small shops like in my Shopping Center just in case I see something that my daughters might like!!!
It is going over to Sydney to visit A that it will be hard . The fact that she is trying to lose some weight by not eating very rich food and I will not be looking in the shops at clothes that could be quite difficult. Maybe I could order for her and she could buy for me. No, dont think that would be acceptable. The nice thing about my task is that I am wearing clothes that I have not worn for ages and am even going to the Tailors to have things altered that are from Old God's Time. Only 3 more months to go.

A breakthrough at last

Well I said I was going to spread out my words of wisdom and then I gave you …. Nothing. So here is some other little bits of information. Drink lots of water, exercise daily , go to bed early. I learned this one from goldilocks. If you feeling like you are getting peckish late at night just go to bed and that will be one sure fired way of you not eating. Cut back on carbs and eat foods that is as close to it’s natural form as possible. Actually I’m even boring myself writing this. We’ve all heard it before and we know how to loose weight but it is so damn hard to put it into practice.

Last Sunday (5th April) I was out for a walk with my friend Sarah. She was telling me that she had just started a new diet, The South Beach Diet. I have heard the name before but I didn’t know what it entailed. She told me it had 3 phases. The first is for two weeks and involves cutting out carbs, sugar (including fruit) and alcohol. Good lord, what’s the point of living without all of those. But when I thought about doing this for just two weeks I thought it might be a good challenge and it would be easier to do as she would be doing it too and we could compare notes. So I went home and did a little research on the internet to see what was involved. It didn’t seem to be too tricky so I have been sticking to it for the last 8 days. It was VERY difficult not to eat chocolate or hot cross buns over the long weekend but I stuck to it. It was also difficult not to drink over the weekend but once again I dug deep and found the resolve not to touch a drop. Well for most of the weekend I didn’t touch a drop. We were on a cruise on the Harbour on Friday and it would have been so damn rude not to have some champagne while we were out. But you will notice from the photo above that I only ate prawns and oysters. Not a carb in sight and oh so tasty. From the start I had decided that I would allow myself to drink on the cruise. So apart from that I was very good. And now the result ….. I have lost another 4.5lbs!!!! in 8 days and I still have another 6 to go. I am now officially over the half way mark to reach my target weight. I have now lost 7.5 lbs and I am chuffed. There is hope for me yet.

I know Raven didn’t eat carbs for a long, long time so I would be interested to know what are your thoughts on this. When I start eating carbs again will the weight go straight back on? I think from reading up on the south beach diet that after two weeks you introduce some fruits and some brown rice and brown bread back in but in small quantities. I’m looking forward to that first slice of bread already. I think I will bake some delicious Roly’s brown bread that Goldilocks gave me the recipe for.

I will report back at the end of the two weeks and let you know how much weight I lost in total. I would like to loose another 2lbs this week. The lunches and dinners on this diet have been fine but it has been a bit tricky to not have carbs or fruit for breakfast. What else can you have??? I have been enjoying scrambled, paoched and soft boiled eggs. I can handle that for a couple of weeks but I am looking forward to a bowl of cereal or a slice of toast.

Slim? Fat chance of that

It's become increasingly clear to me that I'm the kind of person who likes deadlines. With deadlines I know where I stand. I have a goal, a time limit and a task to accomplish within that specified time.

SO WHY AM I HEAVER NOW THAN I WAS WHEN I STARTED THIS BLOODY DIET.

I now realize that the way I've been working with my deadlines in the past just isn't going to cut it with this particular project.

I mean, if I have to have three paintings ready for an exhibition in two weeks I can spend ten days thinking about what to paint, two days painting them and the remaining two days drying them with a hairdryer. It's so unfortunate for me that eliminating 12lbs of fat from my body cannot be done this way. Changing my procrastinating personality is the only way. How I manage that I'll work out tomorrow.

I must let you know that I received a text from Goldilocks asking me why I've not posted for three weeks, wondering if I've been doing as terrible with my diet as she is. Now why she would say this when I can clearly see from her latest entry below that she's lost 3lbs recently I do not know.

Well, I'm here today to put my cards on the table (along with my dinner, chocolate cake, wine and copious plates of sandwiches) to say I've not being doing too well at all.

This is me putting on a fake American accent so nobody recognizes me